I didn’t want to have to write this blog post. The idea has been swirling in my head for a couple weeks now, but I didn’t want to wave the white flag just yet. But the time has come to sit down, reflect, and write a blog about rejection. I’m not completed out of all search processes I entered just yet, but many doors have shut and others are doing that slow, squeaky, about to close thing. So, a blog about rejection.

It sucks! I wish I could put it more eloquently, but there’s really no pretty way to say it. It is probably best described with that plane crash/explosion sound effect. I know that rejection can be a learning experience. What could I have done better? Differently? Sooner? Take time to evaluate the experience and my performance, make changes, and go at it again. But it’s an incredibly draining experience.

Somewhere along the way of multiple interviews at conferences, over the phone, and on campuses, I just seemed to fall out of the process with schools. Either I didn’t fit what they were looking for in a new hire, or I flubbed an answer, or I decided that what they were offering just wasn’t right for me.

THAT took some guts, let me tell you. Turning down offers for second interviews or campus visits, not knowing if that would be my only shot at a job. In the end I decided that I really needed to have at least two of three things in a job: a good location, responsibilities that were interesting and challenging, and a nearby support system. If a job didn’t have those, I couldn’t do it.

I know it is better to be unemployed for a bit and wait for a job that’s the right fit to open up, even if that does mean waiting past graduation, or into summer. That’s incredibly scary though, not knowing what I’ll be doing once I graduate. I also can’t imagine returning home and working at Target or the local bowling alley with my Masters.

I also dread the thought of starting the job search process all over again. To be back at square one will be frustrating. Not only because it involves searching out positions I’m interested in again, doing the research again, interviewing again. But also because I feel like a bit of a failure not getting a job from the first round of searching. I would hate for that to dent my confidence going into round two.

I think the only humorous part of rejection so far has been getting a FOAD letter for a job that I didn’t even apply for. (For those not familiar with the acronym, check urbandictionary.com if you don’t mind some profanity.) Apparently I was horrid in the interview I didn’t have. I’m not even sure how my name got mixed up in their pile of applicants. It was especially weird because it was sent to my office, not my apartment address. Oh well. I hung it up on my fridge, and it is now a daily source of amusement.