Parents just don't understand.

An unexpected consequence of being a doctoral student and working in higher education is trying to help my parents to wrap their heads around what I am doing with my life. When my father introduces me to someone for the first time, its not that unusual for him to refer to me as “the perpetual student.”  My mom thinks I am the”head RA.”  While I have nothing against Van Wilder, I know that I have my life more in order than my parents believe.

Maybe its a Millennial thing (I’m right on the cusp between being a Gen X-er and a Millennial), but for the longest time it really important to me that my parents are interested in what I am doing and I want to know that they are proud of me.  Prior to working in higher education I was a science teacher, and this was basically the ideal situation for having career discussions with my parents.  My dad is a retired teacher and my mom is a school secretary.  We could talk about lesson plans, the union contract, continuing education credits, and a wide range of other topics for which we were all on the same wavelength.  My mom could easily tell her friends “my son is a science teacher” with absolute conviction.  Now that I am a student affairs professional, that’s a little more ambiguous.

Forging ahead with a career in higher education has resulted in me re-evaluating my relationship with my parents, as well as looking at how much of my identity is tied up in my career and academic goals.  My parents and I have a good relationship, but I have learned that outside of making sure that they know I have a roof over my head and plenty of food on the table, I don’t need to have their approval or support when it comes to work.  I’ve made connections with people who can play that role when my folks are not able to.

This whole discussion about my parents helps to put my career in perspective, though. I constantly struggle with work/life/school balance, and knowing that there are people in my life who are more interested in parts of my life that have nothing to do with work and school is really refreshing.  My parents don’t care about quantitative research methods.  They just care about me, and that is good enough.

Bryan Koval holds two degrees from the Pennsylvania State University (B.S. Secondary Education 03, M. Ed. Higher Education 08). He has worked in Residence Life at Penn State for 5 years, and has made meaningful contributions to projects related to living and learning communities, cocurricular learning outcomes, and resident assistant training in the department.