It’s easy to build up a decision in your mind until it’s reached monolithic heights. The more important a choice feels, and the more distinct the options you choose from, the higher the likelihood that you will feel paralyzed by it. This is especially true when you find yourself needing to choose between things you are passionate about and weigh them against the things you need to do and your available time.
More than likely, you have at least one situation in your life that tugs on you this way, and leaves you feeling that the choice is always all or nothing. I wrote about this the other day, in reference to a friend’s dilemma in setting priorities so that he could devote more time and energy to his business.
My answer to this sort of “analysis paralysis” that strikes many job-seekers and career-builders: do what the Ghostbusters always did in their movies.
People told them not to cross the beams, but they did.
Every. Single. Time.
And the ghosts went away.
Nothing in life is all or nothing.
What if you took your multiple passions out of the different corners of your career and crossed those beams?
Could you bring your colleagues into your life, your family into your work, and find ways to combine your personal interests with your career goals?
Could you really have it all?
And if so, why are you spending your time and energy fretting over a choice, rather than looking for ways not to choose?
When you follow your passions, you get others to help carry your load, and get the “likable authority” points that come with bringing the right people together. It’s a different kind of wealth that you build when you do this. It’s not money, but you will get steady, purposeful work and hopefully, time to nurture your ideas more fully.
So cross the beams already. I double-dog dare you!
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I recently had a discussion with a fellow coach as part of the Third Tribe Marketing membership site, which connects small businesses with some of the top minds in social media and marketing to help them learn ways to build authority, increase their credibility and get more business.
The discussion was about saying “no” to some commitments so he could concentrate on his business. He was having an awful time doing so, and I could definitely relate to where he was coming from. Like most of the people I work with (and like me!), he has multiple passions and only so much time.
His question was about deciding what to quit and when to quit it. I get it. When you have a business, and want to have a life beyond it, it makes no sense to keep on doing the wrong things, or dividing the time you need to spend on the right things. I suggested that maybe he just needed to re-balance his priorities.
There was a time when I worked at Penn State’s Smeal College of Business, and was responsible for running a student organizations office that supported 32 student groups. I advised four of these directly, and assisted the other 28. I also coordinated the work of the committees for all of the college’s major student events, including a scholarship committee, two award ceremonies, and all of the major leadership and professional development events.
I left that job and went back to Residence Life. In my first position back in that department, I supervised professional staff, planned training events for student and professional staff, created publications, and was responsible for 11 major department tasks and committees, including oversight of a resident assistant training class with 4 to 7 instructors and 70-120 students each semester; admissions events; orientation; welcome week; assessment and writing the department’s annual report. I had so many things on my plate that half the time I met with my supervisor, we talked about what I had been doing lately, and the rest, we tried to click through in our heads all the things I was supposed to be doing, because neither of us could keep up.
Now those were busy jobs. Many people have busy jobs, and those were the duties. I knew that going in. These types of positions are classic student affairs jobs…you wear many hats, largely because of interesting institutional priorities and lack of funding to actually hire an appropriate level of support staff.
Anyway…
What I did in my “free” time was up to me.
Did I relax?
You tell me. Here are a few things I spent my “free time” doing during that period:
Serving on the “nominating committee” for my church to recruit people gullible enough to want to be on the board, or who could be guilted into it.
Acting as student outreach chair and advising the Penn State student group related to the church (yeah, another group!)
Teaching a 26-week sex ed course at the church for junior-high-level kids (10 of them) where they learned about not only plumbing and mechanics, but assertiveness skills, understanding sexual orientation issues, and discussing their values and the role they play in decision-making. (Did I mention this was an unpaid position? My standing joke is that this is about as close as an Unitarian can get to sainthood!)
Serving on the fundraising and events committee for a new non-profit that saved an old movie theater and converted it into a performing arts center. In this capacity, I helped plan a couple of concerts, a 5K and a certified mile race, and helped with open houses during the yearly arts festival.
I also took up gardening, got back into home brewing, and helped found a home brewers club. I was secretary of that group for a while.
Somehow I fit it all in. And for a while, it was okay. Then, I got promoted, had a different scope of responsibility, and my wife and I started a family. I supervised more people, had fewer work responsibilities, but ones with more impact on other people, and I had to learn to say “no” and to let some things go, and scale back commitments to others.
Eventually, I hit a wall with stress, being a new dad, and dealing with everyone else’s needs for my time and energy. I had a health issue crop up, and things got much harder to deal with. Only then did I learn to say “no.” It’s not selfish to take a step back if you need to do so. At least not in the unhealthy, guilt-wracking way most people think about it. Instead, think of it as “self-preservation,” because that’s what it is, really.
I won’t say I did it without encouragement and support from the right people. First, my family. My wife Sarah insisted I stop ignoring my obvious health issue and go to the doctor. My doctor insisted I see more doctors. And my supervisor told me in a meeting that she would support a personal leave of absence. I resisted for a while, but eventually realized I needed to step off the stress train and go look at some trees and grass and get right with how I was taking care of myself and with how I was viewing my work, my life, the world, and my place in it.
Here’s how I did it.
I started saying “I have some other things to deal with right now, and I want to take some time to sort out my personal priorities, so I will be scaling back some duties and not continuing with others.”
I offered to help with an orderly transition of tasks during my leave, and I did so.
Then I left, turned off the cell phone, stopped looking at work e-mail, and spent a few days all by myself at a state park lodge in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Looking back, I realized I hadn’t given myself enough opportunities for comparison.
That period let me adjust my approach to work and family, and my priorities started to settle themselves out. I spent more time developing my staff, and less time criticizing them; more time talking with students instead of just at them and near them, and I started going home on time to be with my family, work in the garden, enjoy downtime, and think about the kind of person I wanted to be. It led me onto a path toward coaching, and eventually to this group.
Here’s where you have to be bold and unapologetic. I was established at Penn State, and comfortable. You might even say complacent. I’d “topped out,” and after a few searches for the next rung up the ladder didn’t work out, I realized several things about my situation that I hadn’t reflected on enough. First, my opportunities to move up internally, which had been regular and self-sustaining for almost 15 years, dried up. Second, I had moved through the hard transitions of the previous couple of years, and was in good stead with my colleagues and supervisor. Third, the organization was most comfortable with me at the place in the organization I held at that time, and both of us were losing out on growth opportunities because of it.
That’s when I realized my priorities were hopelessly out of sync with where I wanted to go in my life and career. So I took a leap of faith, and went there anyway. It meant leaving my job, moving away from a place I had called home for 15 years, and making new friends. I left at a weird time of the semester (about 5 weeks before Winter closing.) I didn’t want to leave then, because of the weird employment gap it left, and how some people would interpret it. But we had bought a new house, had a buyer for the old one, and I really didn’t want to move from Pennsylvania in December, anyway. So I planned my transition as cleanly as I could, left the lines of communication open, and stepped boldly into creating my own life and career.
I realize that for many, this would have been completely insane. For me, it was only mildly so. I had savings and investments to lean on, the support of my family, and a plan B. (I moved to a college town just in case I needed a more stable stream of income, and I keep the lines of communication open with my old colleagues, supervisor and references, in case I need to get that next job.)
I’ve concentrated my efforts on being recognized as a likable authority in relation to higher education careers. I’m learning to provide content that enhances that reputation and build testimonials that will speak for me. I know I talk too much and that it annoys some people. I can only say I’m working a little on it, and the rest is just who I am. If you respect the value of my advice, knowledge and skills you’ll move past it. What content “expert” isn’t a little bit of a pain in the ass every now and again?
But I’ve digressed, so let me return to you and hopefully help you to focus your efforts: My questions for you are these:
If you can’t fit your priorities into your life, is it your life or your priorities that are the problem?
How could you re-order them without “throwing out the baby with the bath water?” My bet is that you can. And if you are going to get where you need to get, you must.
So which needs and priorities are you going to feel worst about not meeting: yours, or those of others?
What’s the role of faith (in yourself, or something greater, or both) in your career? And how do you know when it’s time to “take a leap?”
The other truth you need to embrace, if you are to move forward, is that the world doesn’t rest on your shoulders. The programs you support will go on, if people are committed to them. You can still be involved in a lesser role if you want to be. You can do your own thing, without walking away mad, or burning the bridge behind you.
To think any less is to imprison yourself by meeting someone else’s expectations. Let them go. Focus on your own. You deserve to be happy and get where you are going.
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Every once in a while, you meet someone who has a definite impact on you. It could be because they are kind and encouraging. It could be because they are damn smart. In the case of Ann Marie Klotz, it’s both.
I had a great opportunity last week to interview Ann Marie, a doctoral student from DePaul University (and Director of Residential Education at that institution) about her thoughts on a couple of great topics. The first topic, “Trusting the Job Search Process” was the subject of last week’s podcast, and it was well-received by listeners and came well-recommended by several other higher ed aficionados, including Eric Stoller.
Our conversation covered a lot of ground, and I was able to ask her about another article on her blog, annmarieklotz.wordpress.com, related to her doctoral dissertation research, which examines roadblocks that women commonly experience in climbing the ranks toward a university presidency. “Understanding Our Impact” delved into ways that higher education professionals can reflect on the ways our influence stays with students well beyond their college years, and is based on Klotz’s reading about the reflections of female university presidents on their college experiences, and the role of mentors in supporting or discouraging their achievements.
So, you’ve had an interview, and you are really excited and nervous about the prospect in front of you. The suspense is killing you, but the phone isn’t ringing, and your inbox doesn’t have any new e-mails from your contact at the hiring institution.How should you follow up?
Here are some simple tips:
E-mail a brief thank-you to the hiring coordinator and/or members of the interview team. Don’t try too hard to be creative or memorable. “Thanks for taking the time to interview me. It was a pleasure learning more about the position and the department. I appreciated the opportunity.” Going further than that may seem like you are attempting to continue the interview and make your argument. If you didn’t make a good argument in the interview, a card isn’t going to change that. And if you “lay it on too thick,” you risk annoying the interviewer and/or coming across as desperate.
If you didn’t get to ask about timeline before or during the interview, inquire about it in an e-mail to your main contact within the organization.
For the first week or two, e-mail contact is best.
After two weeks, if you’ve heard nothing, call the hiring coordinator. Reiterate your interest and ask about the timeline (or if they told you one, if it had changed as the process went on.)
Frequently Asked Questions:
What’s the typical timeframe for a candidate to hear back after an interview?
Bad news, folks. There isn’t one. So many variables go into an institution’s timeline for following up. Some might include:
Getting in touch with references/having them call back.
Following up on concerns
Conducting a background check
Getting approval from Human Resources
If I don’t hear back about the position, will calling or e-mailing improve my chances (by showing I am motivated and interested?)
While possible, it’s not likely. In most cases, the general impression of your viability as a candidate is set well before the end of the interviewer. So, if you are out of the running, calling or e-mailing won’t help. If you are in the running, and you fumble the interactions with an employer during the follow-up stage, you may actually hurt your chances. In short, it’s easier to get cut from a process than it is to get into (or stay in) one. So be judicious in your follow-ups. Don’t call more than once a week, and every time you do call, ask when would be a good time to call back. If at any point, you are told “We’ll call you,” take that as a signal to move on.
If I don’t get the job, what’s the best way to ask for feedback?
First, and foremost, ask for it only if you can take it gracefully.
Second, go in with the understanding that many employers will not give feedback, or that it will be very minimal, because some legal departments and human resources departments advises against it.
Call your primary point of contact and ask if you could get some feedback on your performance in the interview, how your skills and experience stood up to the finalist, or what factors went into the decision.
One final thought on getting feedback: only ask for it if you are going to use it to better yourself and improve your job search strategy, materials or approach to interviewing.
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Contacts from a particularly persistent publicist about getting me to interview someone from Devry about their new Career Advisory Board and career services they are offering their students and alumni.
We’ve covered other issues related to For-Profit Higher Education before, and honestly, I’ve learned a lot. Here are some takeaways I’ve drawn from the above:
From the LinkedIn group discussion:
There are vested interests on both sides, and very strong feelings about the worth of degrees from for-profit schools. For those who have chosen the for-profit route, they come down to improving themselves without sacrificing their families, or fitting further education into their busy lives. For those on the Brick-and-Mortar: defending the perceived differences in the quality of scholarship between online and B & M programs.
There are legitimate concerns on both sides. For on-line pr iogram graduates, a desire to be taken seriously, and to have access to opportunities to contribute to discussions, associations and even teaching opportunities. For B & M graduates, a desire to protect the legitimacy of their scholarship and their degrees, by insisting that programs meet existing standards and accreditation models.
From the USC Report:
The demand for degrees and for an educated workforce is high, and public institutions are increasingly unable to meet this demand, in the face of funding cuts.
There is an emerging public interest in creating common standards about basic courses that would ensure their transferability between institutions, regardless of their public/private status.
Online education will increasingly be a part of the picture, especially for introductory courses.
From my interactions with the publicist and the interview that resulted:
There are for-profit institutions that are trying to serve their students and graduates and make sure their investment results in good jobs that will provide a good return on their investment.
There are some really nice people in the for-profit world, and despite the controversies surrounding for-profit education, their intentions are good, and should not be discounted out of hand, by people who are just more comfortable with the way things have always been.
I share a few more thoughts in today’s BlogTalkRadio podcast, which was pre-recorded, and think that Devry is making efforts worth noting. Please listen and share your comments.
Work with Sean. I help higher ed professionals take control of their careers with tailored services including resume and CV development, LinkedIn profile optimization and networking strategy, interview coaching, and one-on-one career guidance.
I recently had a discussion with a fellow coach as part of the 
Every once in a while, you meet someone who has a definite impact on you. It could be because they are kind and encouraging. It could be because they are damn smart. In the case of Ann Marie Klotz, it’s both.
