I recently had a discussion with a fellow coach as part of the Third Tribe Marketing membership site, which connects small businesses with some of the top minds in social media and marketing to help them learn ways to build authority, increase their credibility and get more business.
The discussion was about saying “no” to some commitments so he could concentrate on his business. He was having an awful time doing so, and I could definitely relate to where he was coming from. Like most of the people I work with (and like me!), he has multiple passions and only so much time.
His question was about deciding what to quit and when to quit it. I get it. When you have a business, and want to have a life beyond it, it makes no sense to keep on doing the wrong things, or dividing the time you need to spend on the right things. I suggested that maybe he just needed to re-balance his priorities.
There was a time when I worked at Penn State’s Smeal College of Business, and was responsible for running a student organizations office that supported 32 student groups. I advised four of these directly, and assisted the other 28. I also coordinated the work of the committees for all of the college’s major student events, including a scholarship committee, two award ceremonies, and all of the major leadership and professional development events.
I left that job and went back to Residence Life. In my first position back in that department, I supervised professional staff, planned training events for student and professional staff, created publications, and was responsible for 11 major department tasks and committees, including oversight of a resident assistant training class with 4 to 7 instructors and 70-120 students each semester; admissions events; orientation; welcome week; assessment and writing the department’s annual report. I had so many things on my plate that half the time I met with my supervisor, we talked about what I had been doing lately, and the rest, we tried to click through in our heads all the things I was supposed to be doing, because neither of us could keep up.
Now those were busy jobs. Many people have busy jobs, and those were the duties. I knew that going in. These types of positions are classic student affairs jobs…you wear many hats, largely because of interesting institutional priorities and lack of funding to actually hire an appropriate level of support staff.
Anyway…
What I did in my “free” time was up to me.
Did I relax?
You tell me. Here are a few things I spent my “free time” doing during that period:
Serving on the “nominating committee” for my church to recruit people gullible enough to want to be on the board, or who could be guilted into it.
Acting as student outreach chair and advising the Penn State student group related to the church (yeah, another group!)
Teaching a 26-week sex ed course at the church for junior-high-level kids (10 of them) where they learned about not only plumbing and mechanics, but assertiveness skills, understanding sexual orientation issues, and discussing their values and the role they play in decision-making. (Did I mention this was an unpaid position? My standing joke is that this is about as close as an Unitarian can get to sainthood!)
Serving on the fundraising and events committee for a new non-profit that saved an old movie theater and converted it into a performing arts center. In this capacity, I helped plan a couple of concerts, a 5K and a certified mile race, and helped with open houses during the yearly arts festival.
I also took up gardening, got back into home brewing, and helped found a home brewers club. I was secretary of that group for a while.
Somehow I fit it all in. And for a while, it was okay. Then, I got promoted, had a different scope of responsibility, and my wife and I started a family. I supervised more people, had fewer work responsibilities, but ones with more impact on other people, and I had to learn to say “no” and to let some things go, and scale back commitments to others.
Eventually, I hit a wall with stress, being a new dad, and dealing with everyone else’s needs for my time and energy. I had a health issue crop up, and things got much harder to deal with. Only then did I learn to say “no.” It’s not selfish to take a step back if you need to do so. At least not in the unhealthy, guilt-wracking way most people think about it. Instead, think of it as “self-preservation,” because that’s what it is, really.
I won’t say I did it without encouragement and support from the right people. First, my family. My wife Sarah insisted I stop ignoring my obvious health issue and go to the doctor. My doctor insisted I see more doctors. And my supervisor told me in a meeting that she would support a personal leave of absence. I resisted for a while, but eventually realized I needed to step off the stress train and go look at some trees and grass and get right with how I was taking care of myself and with how I was viewing my work, my life, the world, and my place in it.
Here’s how I did it.
I started saying “I have some other things to deal with right now, and I want to take some time to sort out my personal priorities, so I will be scaling back some duties and not continuing with others.”
I offered to help with an orderly transition of tasks during my leave, and I did so.
Then I left, turned off the cell phone, stopped looking at work e-mail, and spent a few days all by myself at a state park lodge in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Looking back, I realized I hadn’t given myself enough opportunities for comparison.
That period let me adjust my approach to work and family, and my priorities started to settle themselves out. I spent more time developing my staff, and less time criticizing them; more time talking with students instead of just at them and near them, and I started going home on time to be with my family, work in the garden, enjoy downtime, and think about the kind of person I wanted to be. It led me onto a path toward coaching, and eventually to this group.
Here’s where you have to be bold and unapologetic. I was established at Penn State, and comfortable. You might even say complacent. I’d “topped out,” and after a few searches for the next rung up the ladder didn’t work out, I realized several things about my situation that I hadn’t reflected on enough. First, my opportunities to move up internally, which had been regular and self-sustaining for almost 15 years, dried up. Second, I had moved through the hard transitions of the previous couple of years, and was in good stead with my colleagues and supervisor. Third, the organization was most comfortable with me at the place in the organization I held at that time, and both of us were losing out on growth opportunities because of it.
That’s when I realized my priorities were hopelessly out of sync with where I wanted to go in my life and career. So I took a leap of faith, and went there anyway. It meant leaving my job, moving away from a place I had called home for 15 years, and making new friends. I left at a weird time of the semester (about 5 weeks before Winter closing.) I didn’t want to leave then, because of the weird employment gap it left, and how some people would interpret it. But we had bought a new house, had a buyer for the old one, and I really didn’t want to move from Pennsylvania in December, anyway. So I planned my transition as cleanly as I could, left the lines of communication open, and stepped boldly into creating my own life and career.
I realize that for many, this would have been completely insane. For me, it was only mildly so. I had savings and investments to lean on, the support of my family, and a plan B. (I moved to a college town just in case I needed a more stable stream of income, and I keep the lines of communication open with my old colleagues, supervisor and references, in case I need to get that next job.)
I’ve concentrated my efforts on being recognized as a likable authority in relation to higher education careers. I’m learning to provide content that enhances that reputation and build testimonials that will speak for me. I know I talk too much and that it annoys some people. I can only say I’m working a little on it, and the rest is just who I am. If you respect the value of my advice, knowledge and skills you’ll move past it. What content “expert” isn’t a little bit of a pain in the ass every now and again?
But I’ve digressed, so let me return to you and hopefully help you to focus your efforts: My questions for you are these:
If you can’t fit your priorities into your life, is it your life or your priorities that are the problem?
How could you re-order them without “throwing out the baby with the bath water?” My bet is that you can. And if you are going to get where you need to get, you must.
So which needs and priorities are you going to feel worst about not meeting: yours, or those of others?
What’s the role of faith (in yourself, or something greater, or both) in your career? And how do you know when it’s time to “take a leap?”
The other truth you need to embrace, if you are to move forward, is that the world doesn’t rest on your shoulders. The programs you support will go on, if people are committed to them. You can still be involved in a lesser role if you want to be. You can do your own thing, without walking away mad, or burning the bridge behind you.
To think any less is to imprison yourself by meeting someone else’s expectations. Let them go. Focus on your own. You deserve to be happy and get where you are going.
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Yesterday, we talked about ways that candidates can prepare for interviews by anticipating questions and preparing their answers. As mentioned in that article, questions and answers can be seen as the “currency” of interview. This may have left some of you asking “Where’s the Bank?”
Good news! We’re opening a “question bank” at HigherEdCareerCoach.Com and the Cook Coaching Facebook page. We’ll post links to past episodes of “the Grill” and their associated blog posts, and open up discussions on Facebook on questions and how to approach them.
To get started with the question bank, I’m soliciting submissions from other student affairs professionals, career coaches and human resource professionals. On today’s BlogTalkRadio show, I’ll be talking to our first contributor, Meghan Harr, who shared her list of questions to ask the interviewers. So many candidates overlook the value of asking good questions, but doing so can differentiate you from others in the process. This segment was pre-recorded, due to some professional travel I have scheduled for today. It will air at 11 am Eastern Time and be available for download to iTunes and for streaming afterward.
In my discussion with Meghan, we had a great, free-ranging talk about how she assembled the questions, how she used certain questions to understand not only the position, but the institutional culture, work environment, and her possible “fit” in different positions. You’ll gain some valuable insight that should help you in upcoming interviews.
Meghan also shared a little with me about her involvement in the #saGrow mentor program and how being a mentor has helped her grow as a professional. Please listen to the show by clicking the BlogTalkRadio icon below, and download a .pdf of her questions here. If you’d like to receive other resources like this, directly to your inbox, sign up for my e-mail list by using the Hello Bar link at top, or the pop-up form. You’ll get this information, regular blog updates, newsletters, special list-member-only offers, and my promise that your information will never be sold or shared without your permission.
A while back, I sent in an article to David and Michelle Riklan, the operators of SelfGrowth.Com for possible inclusion in their cooperative book project, titled "101 Great Ways to Enhance Your Career". This is a compilation of 101 articles with practical, solid advice on how you can take action and improve your career.
I am extremely excited to be a part of this, and am equally excited to be a contributing author along with Tory Johnson, Laura DeCarlo, Brian Tracy, Charlotte Weeks and many more of the world's leading career experts.
This book was created by David and Michelle Riklan, the founders of the #1 Self Improvement website in the world, SelfGrowth.com. They tapped into the minds of today’s greatest career experts and pulled together a nice collection of 101 insider secrets that shows you how to instantly and positively enhance your career!
In these days of decreased professional development budgets, many higher education professionals are having to scale back their funding for conferences and events. This book offers a practical alternative. All the articles are short, thought-provoking and easily digested–perfect for a professional development reading group, or to share with your staff during team development meetings.
David and Michelle have also bundled the book with some "bonus gifts,” and have created a package of $1,500 worth of absolutely free gifts that you get by purchasing just one copy of our book. I've contributed one of the bonuses (my "Mastering the Job Interview" presentation), and have been impressed by the range of topics covered in the other bonuses.
SelfGrowth.Com is so confident you will love it, that they are backing it up with a completely solid guarantee.
Go there and take a look for yourself - and make sure you check out the bonuses.
(Please note that all links above are affiliate links. Sales of books made through these links will support the growth of this site, and help bring career coaching and resources to those who need it. In this vein, I plan to apply all profits made from affiliate sales of this book toward providing free coaching sessions to unemployed or financially disadvantaged higher ed job seekers.)
One of the hardest things to do in any job search process is to be yourself while also being polished, on point, and focused on delivering a targeted message to your potential employer about how you will are the perfect "fit" for an open position.
Clients sometimes ask me how they can convey their sense of purpose and desire for a position without coming across as phony. My answer: quit trying to prove yourself and spend your time being yourself.
The logic behind this is simple enough. If you conveyed your qualifications well enough on your resume, cover letter, and other application materials, then the interview is less about that and more about two things:
1. Whether you presented your qualifications accurately, and
2. Whether you will fit into their organizational culture.
If you have presented your qualifications accurately, you do yourself a disservice by presenting yourself as someone you're not. So try as much as you can to go into each interview “comfortable in your own skin,” and let the details settle themselves.
The truth you must be most comfortable with is that the most qualified candidate on paper often is not the successful candidate in the process. By the time an interview happens, you have been given a so-called "equal opportunity" to state your case, and the assumption you should take into each interview is that all candidates meet the basic qualifications for the job. This will allow you to meet your potential employer on a more equal footing. A good job match will be dictated as much by your potential fit into an organizational culture, or your ability to navigate the nuances of such a culture, in an emotionally intelligent and productive way, as it will be about your actual skills, experiences, and qualifications.
Understanding organizational culture is tricky. You must be ready to separate your interest in a particular job from your possible fit, and accept that a rejection doesn't label you as "unqualified" for that type of position, or even for another position at that institution. It just means that wasn't your day, and that wasn't the job.
This will allow you to move on toward exploring other opportunities, and clear the path to a position and an organizational culture that will hopefully be a better fit for not only your qualifications but for you.
My five-year-old son Brendan is a real fan of a new show on Disney Junior called Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Set in the magical world of Neverland, home to Tinkerbell and Peter Pan, the show follows three young pirates (Jake, Izzy, and Cubbie), as they regularly foil the evil plots of Capt. Hook and his sidekick, the bumbling Mr. Smee.
I'm not usually one to like the retelling of classic stories from my youth, but I have to admit that I have a great deal of affinity for Jake and his cohorts, mostly because my son enjoys the show so much.
The other day a friend asked me if I ever thought about when children lose their sense of imagination. He remarked that he could keep himself occupied and happy with the simplest of things when he was a child. And I know this to be true, because it was true for me, and because I see it daily with my two children.
It may seem cranky for me to say this, but I think the world beats it out of us and makes us too serious for our own good. I spend quite a bit of time trying to explain things to my son, that seem so intrinsic to functioning as an adult, that I regularly find myself questioning the logic of adult behavior, and the ways in which we cling to procedures, policies, rules, and the ever-present “just the way things are.” And I realize then that I am spouting nonsense. And the saddest thing about it is that this nonsense is very much the accepted status quo.
As a coach, one of the most important things I do is to help each client imagine what aspects would be included in their perfect career. And often what this means is that we return, together, to childhood, and spend some times exploring what they enjoyed doing most, what they were most interested in, and what kind of people and places they were most comfortable being around. In many of these explorations, I have found that clients have abandoned doing what they most enjoy in pursuit of material gain, increased influence in their field, titles, positional authority, control over their organizations, and when possible, their personal destinies.
The "Ah-ha" moment usually comes when they realize that their goals are complete bullshit, and that they have nothing to do with who they're meant to be, and everything to do with a fiction and fantasy that society calls success. We work together to face each client's fears, anxieties, and the practical, emotional, and circumstantial blocks in their path. You can only do this by picking them apart, holding them up to the light, and seeing them for what they are. Only then can a client move forward and meet himself or herself truly and deeply and genuinely, as who they are meant to be.
My friend Tommy Walker, a social media strategist I'm working with to develop a more engaging Facebook strategy, has a favorite saying: “I don't do bullshit."
Okay, so maybe that's not all that original. But it is authentic. And if you've ever had the opportunity to speak with Tommy, to read his thoughts on his blog, or to chat with him on the Internet, you just understand the Tommy has developed and cultivated a true sense for who he is as a person, and matched that, as best he could, to a career which brings out his best.
So what are you doing to align your career with who you were meant to be?
Close your eyes. Remember the joys you had in your life. Not just the joys of accomplishment in your career, or those adult milestones that many of us strive to achieve (like getting a first job, having a first apartment, buying a house, buying a new car, getting married, having children, etc., etc.) Go back, go deep, and go long.
Then say to yourself, loudly “Yo Ho, let's go!” And get back to where you once belonged.
There's a simple truth that many job-seekers ignore when it comes to the job search: You can only be so ready.
If you are currently searching for a new job, you've likely spent quite a bit of time writing your resume, getting feedback about your interview style, researching jobs, planning your interview wardrobe, and honing your networking skills. These are all practical steps, and should lead to a greater sense of confidence in your career skills, and in the likelihood of being hired for a new position. But for some people, the job search seems extremely nerve-racking, gut-wrenching, depressing, and soul-less.
Putting yourself out there into the job market can certainly produce a great deal of anxiety. Preparing, practicing, and getting feedback can somewhat reduce your anxiety. But let's get real: many of your job search anxieties may be self-made and self-reinforcing. If you are applying for jobs that you are qualified for, and you have spent an appropriate amount of time researching different positions, and exploring what factors are most important to you in a position or employer, then you are ready.
In some circumstances, it is indeed very much possible to be over-prepared, overconfident and basically “overdone.” So do yourself a favor: get ready, get comfortable, and go with the flow.
One of the best ways to reduce anxiety during a job search is simple, in theory, but difficult and complex in practice, and it's this: quit wanting a particular outcome, and let yourself enjoy the search. In higher education, we are often called upon to plan our programs and services around anticipated outcomes. In a job search, the obvious outcome seems clear enough: getting a job at the end of the process.
While this is certainly an understandable and completely logical concept, it ignores a simple truth: wanting the wrong things will only cause you pain and suffering. If you approach your job search with an open mind, and an open heart, you are more likely to find satisfaction and a new sense of direction, which are worthy outcomes, in and of themselves.
Some tips:
Start from where you are. Before you go looking for a new position, ask yourself what you want from the search, and how you will define success.
List for yourself all the parts of your current job and your current life that bring you joy, challenge you, and give you peace.
List for yourself those things in your current job and your current life that bringing misery, anxiety indifference, and pain.
Take a few moments to imagine the possibility that there is a position out there that would be an incredible match for your skills and your experiences, while also giving you joy, challenge, and peace.
Take another few moments to decide what your “deal-breakers” are. These are the things that you know you cannot do, for risk of destroying your sense of joy, your need to be challenged, and your peace of mind.
When presented with any opportunity, match it first to those things which bring you joy.
Hold all the major aspects of the position “up into the light” and look for the deal-breakers.
When you see a deal-breaker, walk away. Go with a glad heart, and the optimism and that the right thing will come along, and that by passing by an opportunity that would bring you misery, create anxiety and destroy your peace of mind, you have left yourself open to the great possibility that there is something out there in the universe that you are not only capable of doing, but indeed meant to do.
As you close the door on any opportunity (or have it closed on you), accept for yourself that the opportunity was not meant to be (either now, or possibly ever)
Lather, rinse, repeat.
This approach reinforces one simple thing: it is always okay to just be yourself, and see what follows. In fact, it is all you can do in your life and career, if you are to find happiness, challenge, and genuine peace of mind.
Fill out the form below to join my mailing list and get free job-seeker resources, starting with an "Are You Ready?" worksheet.
Work with Sean. I help higher ed professionals take control of their careers with tailored services including resume and CV development, LinkedIn profile optimization and networking strategy, interview coaching, and one-on-one career guidance.
I recently had a discussion with a fellow coach as part of the Third Tribe Marketing membership site, which connects small businesses with some of the top minds in social media and marketing to help them learn ways to build authority, increase their credibility and get more business.
Yesterday, we talked about ways that candidates can prepare for interviews by anticipating questions and preparing their answers. As mentioned in that article, questions and answers can be seen as the “currency” of interview. This may have left some of you asking “Where’s the Bank?”
